哭了,我发现我自己远没有他勇敢


六月十三:

As I was walking off Jimmy Fallon 's after doing a little freestyle rap, he leaned in and said dude, you're in the #1 album &#1 film in the country. I fell silent, nodded and grinned awkwardly.


在Jimmy Fallon的节目上表演了一小段即兴说唱之后,我准备离开的时候他凑近我说,伙计,你现在在这个国家,做着一张专辑,拍着一部电影。我沉默了,点点头,尴尬地笑了笑。


A few days later I was told The Good Immigrant was voted the UK's book of the year, got these award nominations for The Night of, and Swet Shop Boys made a load of ' best of the year' lists. None of this felt real.


几天之后我被告知The Good Immigrant被票选为英国年度最佳书籍,The Night of带给了我许多奖项的提名,Swet Shop Boys在“年度最佳”的榜单上也占据一席之地。所有的事情都太不真实了,好得令人无法置信。


Now I'm back home I saw these pictures I drew at age 7 of Darth & Luke, after watching Empire Strikes Back. I was reimagining these characters 'when they got old', reshaping their world, and nothing about that seemed weird.


现在我回到了家,看着这些关于Darth & Luke的画,我七岁的时候看了那部帝国反击战之后画的。我回想着,这些角色“老了”的时候,依旧在重塑他们的世界,而且一切都是如此自然,没有人觉得奇怪。


But somehow in the years between then and when i myself 'got old', the constant message that someone like me couldn't ever belong, or shape the world around them. had taken hold. I had no road map or template to follow in trying to prove those messages wrong. I started believing them. Only a year ago, for various reasons,I wasn't sure I could carry on doing this. I had a realisation through some really tough moments that we have no control in life. And it got me down.


但是就在那段时间里,我自己“变老”的那段时间里,外界的信息不断地涌入我的脑海,告诉我,像我这样的人无法融入,无法改变身边的世界,这种观念已经占据了我的大脑。我试图证明那是错的,然而我却没有地图供我寻路,没有模板供我参照,我迷失了,开始放弃。仅仅只在一年前,因为各种各样的原因,我怀疑着自己能否坚持下去。我认识到人生有时候真的很艰难,我们没有办法掌控自己的生活,这让我崩溃。


But then, seeing no other way forwards, I had to embrace this helplessness and through it. Rediscover a sense of childishness, and of play. I finally stopped making things to prove myself to others, and started doing things for my younger self.
但是之后,因为我根本看不到前路何方,我只好拥抱这些无助,然后战胜它。我重新找回了童年时候的感觉,关于“童心”和“玩耍”。我终于不再执着于向别人证明自己,转而开始为年轻的那个自己而活。


And that's when things started connecting with people, when I was working with no expectation of how my work would be received.
就是那个时候,一切开始跟人们联系起来,当我不再对自己的工作是否被他人所接受抱有期待的时候。


When it was play... Most importantly it connected with amazing collaborators. For all my work this year from Englistan, The Nigh Of, Swet Shop Boys, The Good Immigrant Hamilton Mixtape, Star Wars, Bourne, to the OA-I have been privileged to stand on the shoulders of giants. I'm grateful to those whe have allowed me to be a part of their vision and those who were kind enough to watch listen,read, and notice. I hope I can continue to justify your support. I'm incredibly grateful for this moment in time.
当一切开始重回正轨……这一切都跟不可思议的合作人密不可分。我今年的所有作品,从罪夜之奔,侠盗一号和谍影重重,Swet Shop Boys乐队,The Good Immigrant,Hamilton的混音专辑到OA——我何其有幸,可以站在巨人的肩膀上,被允许成为他们美好愿景的一部分,还有那些愿意观看,聆听,阅读和给予关注的人们。希望我可以继续证明你们的支持没有错。我对这一刻的这一切将永远心怀感激。


Walking off Jimmy's chat show that night, I felt as cool as I did in this photo, age 7. But the best part of it wasn't feeling cool, it was feeling like a kid. Keep your inner child alive. Keep dreaming.
结束吉米鸡毛秀录制的那一晚,我觉得浑身轻松,就像七岁的我在这张照片里表现出来的那样轻松愉悦,充满自信。但是最棒的不是这个,而是我又找回了那个七岁的我。所以,请让身体里的那个年轻的自己活着,请坚持你的梦想,不要放弃。


————————————
这是Riz2017年在ins上po出的,算是对自己17年的一个总结,po的图片就是七岁的他,戴着墨镜,很酷很自信的样子,旁边是他为Darth和Luke画的画。
Riz也有过一段自我怀疑的时期,其实我们看来他已经足够好了,但是没有人是活得轻松的,没有人生来就耀眼无比,大多数的我们都是不断地自我否定,再肯定,再否定,不断地爬起,跌倒,再爬起。但是生活再不堪,总归还是有值得为之奋斗的东西,可以是你的梦想,也可以是你的家人。越长大,越觉得梦想的可贵,坚持梦想也许会遍体鳞伤,最后还不成功,但是不坚持梦想,生活就失去了动力,也许你就会放任自己沉沦。
碎碎念了这么多,还是想说,喜欢Riz不是因为别的,是因为他带给我的。也许在背书背到崩溃,天天担心挂科考研失业,忧愁着以后的房贷车贷各种贷,还担心自己一不留神会被猝死在工作岗位上,被同行沉重哀悼的时候,想想Riz,他如何从一个家境普通的移民家庭通过奖学金计划考上牛津的PPE专业,他因为肤色和信仰承受了多少歧视和误解,他又如何从低谷期爬上来成为现在的他,是不是多多少少,有了一些力量?

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  1. 你先把槍放下六月十三 转载了此文字
    哭了,我发现我自己远没有他勇敢
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